Cat's in the Cradle
by Dumbledore'sDelight
Summary: Just a little peek into the life of Batman and Catwoman after they get married and have a child. Will this marriage work out? Should it? What's going on here? Are Batman and Catwoman... singing? Please read and review!


_Real Author's Note: This takes place in an Alternate Universe (far, far away) where Catwoman and Batman have not only married, but conceived of a child (God help us all!) Since we are not crazy enough to think wedlock would change these characters in any way, shape or form, we know that parenthood certainly would not. In that spirit, we have made a small outtake from their assuredly amusing lives, and would like to dedicate this to all people who think that Bruce Wayne should have gotten at least one of the girls, and as a testament to why you are ALL WRONG!_

**Disclaimer**: IF anyone should happen to believe that the deranged minds of the people who brought you this fanfiction actually have enough time and money to own a saga as impressive as Batman, we invite you to sue, as we would like to laugh at your stupidity. Enjoy.

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**Cat's in the Cradle**

Our story begins in Wayne Manor in Gotham City. The television is on, and we can hear a newscaster speaking. "In the business world, multi-billionaire, Bruce Wayne was married today to environmentalist and animal activist, Selena Kyle, much to the dismay of every single female (and many male) citizens of Gotham. In unrelated news, incidences of cat burglary in Gotham City have plummeted in the last month. The only incident in recent memory being one Gucci gown from Maria's Bridal Shop..."

Ten months pass, and we now find ourselves in (dum, dum, dum!) a baby's room in Wayne Manor. Catwoman sits in costume rocking her baby to sleep. She is singing.

"Hush, little baby. Don't say a word. Momma's gonna catch you a mockingbird. But if that mockingbird can't sing, Momma's gonna steal you a diamond ring..."

Proud poppa, Bruce Wayne, home early from the office, now stands just outside the nursery door, listening with a mildly horrifid expression.

Catwoman's song continues. "And if that diamond ring don't shine, Momma's gonna maim that jewelery appraiser of mine. And if that jewelery appraiser should die, Momma's gonna use you as an alibi. And if that alibi don't work, then you'll be stuck here with that Batman jerk."

Wayne raises one eyebrow, Hiko Seijuro-Style. Pop! He mutters, "Hey!"

Catwoman, not noticing him, continues her song. "And if that jerk won't pay the bail, Baby's gonna bust Momma out of jail. And when that jail break finally goes down, you'll be the most wanted little baby in town..."

The baby is now asleep, and Catwoman sets the infant in the cradle. "Goodnight little cat burglar." She calls Alfred on the baby monitor to come up and watch the baby. Then she goes out of a the window to find a mockingbird... step one to getting that ring...

Moments pass. Bruce pulls Batman cowl out of briefcase and takes off his reversible office jacket which transforms into a cape. He enters the room and rocks the cradle. He then starts to sing in a pissed off voice.

"Hush, little baby. Don't say a word, but Momma's gonna kill that mockingbird. And when that mockingbird don't sing, Daddy will buy you a _certified_ diamond ring. And when Momma's busted for stealing a glass ring, Daddy's gonna remind her that she promised not to seal anything, any time, EVER AGAIN!" He stops and takes a deep breath to calm down. Suddenly he realizes that he's rocking the cradle so hard, the baby is waking up. Desperately he tries to placate the baby and says in an annoying little baby talk voice, "Because Momma pinky swore. Yes she did."

He clears his voice and begins singing again. "But since Momma stole and went to jail, Daddy isn't paying a red cent of her bail. Since we won't see Momma for fifteen years, Daddy's gonna teach baby to scare criminals to tears."

He pulls out a miniature Batman mask and dangles it over the baby. A though bubble appears over his head, which reads, "_The legacy lives on..._"

"And when all those criminals are taken down, you'll be the cutest Batbaby in town." He goes back into the irritating baby talk. "Yes, you will... Gootchie gootchie goo."

Meanwhile, Catwoman is sitting out in a tree with a thoroughly disgusted look on her face. A thought bubble appears over her head which reads, "_I married _that?_ Note to self: Ask attorney about pre-nup when discussing alibi_."

**The End**

_Epilogue: Divorce pending.

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_Author's Note 2: Come on people, you didn't actually think this marriage would work, did you?_

_Author's Note 3: A comment on the "Hiko__Seijuro the 13th-Style eyebrow pop." This reference is for all of you people who are enlightened/ psychotic enough to not only enjoy_ Rurouni Kenshin_ AND_ Batman_, but actually be able to see the implied character connection that scene. For those of you who don't get it, go watch _Kenshin_ or seek counseling, whichever this fanfiction has imspired you to do._

**Disclaimer 2: **Oh yeah, we don't own Rurouni Kenshin or Hiko either. And, no, we won't pay for your therapy bill, although we highly recommend Dr. Harlene Quinzel.

_Author's Note 4: For those of you who don't get the Harlene Quinzel joke, you have no right to call yourself a Batman fan.. But if you're new and looking to prove yourself, we suggest you read the Batman Graphic Novel, "Mad Love," which explains Harlene. But really, otherwise she has nothing to do with this fanfiction._

_Or type the name into your Google Search, since you're obviously online to be reading this._

**Disclaimer 3: **Yeah... we don't own Google Search either...

**Disclaimer 4:** Just to be on the safe side: WE DON'T OWN SQUAT

Please read and review.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

(Soujiro smile)

**Disclaimer 5:** Us again... we don't own... oh never mind. Soujiro's from Kenshin (see Disclaimer 2). Look him up on Google (see Disclaimer 3).

Goodbye.


End file.
